Monday, 4 July 2016

Pontins: Hell on Earth

Hey Guys,
So I’m not really the type of person to sit here and write a horrible blog post. I find that when sh*t happens, I like to turn the negative energy into something positive. I do this a lot when it comes to relationships and dating. When something goes extremely well, or extremely badly, writing poetry and spoken word is something I turn to, to express my emotions. 

Which leads me to this post... As you can see from the title, this is a strongly opinionated post regarding my recent visit to Pontins: Camber Sands. I wrote this poem/spoken word piece to try and characterise how I felt about my unfortunate two night’s stay. I read it to one of my close friends the other day and we both laughed about it. So I hope you can also find the humour in the whole experience and that it inspires you to take any of your own negativity and channel it into something you can laugh about one day! 



Enjoy x





Pontins: Hell on Earth


The cold sweat of Pontins Camber Sands lingers like a bad dream.
The air rising but not quite reaching noses;
Being trapped by the thousands of bodies that swarm its site.

The ironically uninviting rainbow sign is approached by the many cars that dare to grace the seventies waste dump.
Where the best of British lads and chavs bring their mini-me's to continue in the flow of rowdy drink and "banter",
Like a home away from home.

Half dressed children are like buy one-get one free in this place.
Drooping nappies and screaming lungs run about the place
Clutching onto the latest Poundland toys,
Hands dripping in canteen Slush Puppy. 


The rows and rows and rows of "Chalet" apartments echo the worst kind of Benidorm resort.
Only the weather, dried out tea bags and disposable bbq's that line the concrete, remind you of your English residence.

Only the basic house supplies greet you- a toilet and sink.
Yes, you must provide your own sheets, towels, food, toilet paper, soap etc etc etc.
The many failed attempts not to scold yourself under the boiling water leads me to find the positivity-
If I can't avoid the germs, at least I can burn them off!

The arcade seems to be the best daytime entertainment,
After trying to source the outdoor activities
and finding that they were all "closed for refurbishment".

The appealing flashing lights and intriguing sounds lure children in to discover their first taste at gambling.
Staring blankly at machines,
Inserting endless pennies and pounds to win tickets that add up to...
PRIZES (a Poundshop toy circa 2003).

Evening entertainment allowed the most cynical and bitter "inner me" a chance to express her hate and outrage for the worst show on earth.
Wannabe West End Stars and talentless Children's Tv presenters were this week’s line-up.
These teens seeming to ooze with the amount energy that relates to their time working as a Blue Coat.
Six-week- Sam was hopping all over like a Duracell bunny, not quite knowing any of the dances.
Whilst six-month-Suzie was in her last week of employment (and not afraid to show it!) - bless.

All in all, after the worst food, worst sleep and worst two days of my recent memory. 
I can finally conclude;
That Pontins is; 
Hell on Earth


Eb x