Saturday, 27 October 2018

Feeling Like a Failure Whilst Succeeding...?

Hey Guys,

I recently attended the launch of Pandora's brand new "Reflexions" range. They were kind enough to send me one of the beautiful mesh bracelets in silver. I styled it up for this blog post, whilst being inspired by the theme of 'reflection'...
As I sit here, at my computer, many topics I could reflect on spring to mind. However, one theme in particular seems to be jumping out at me. It is the feeling that I am failing, whilst technically succeeding.


Why do we feel as though we are constantly chasing goals?

 I don't think I'm alone in being a 20-something millennial with a huge list of accomplishments not yet accomplished, or an idea of "success" that just keeps getting farther from my reach. We are living in a world where we are presented with a never ending catalogue of beautiful, successful people who seem to be living their "dream life" that they share with the world via social media. And I can't help but find myself wondering why I am not one of them...

Admittedly, this year has been my most profitable in terms of blogging. And actually, my blog income has now surpassed the income of the job I frikken studied in school (acting). I have had the best blog collaborations and have worked with brands on projects I could have only dreamt of 2 years ago when I started EBONI + IVORY. 
So why do I look at my career and feel unfulfilled or unsatisfied? 
Is it greed?
Is it my own perception?
Or is it something else...?



Social media is probably not helping

It's no big secret that social media is having a significant negative impact on our lives. Whilst we continue to only present ourselves as well dressed, put-together, busy socialites, we will continue to buy into the idea of the "perfect life" that simply doesn't exist. Whilst it is easy for me to sit here, typing away, analysing the affect of Instagram on my mental health, it doesn't deny the fact that I am an absolute sucker for being blindly led by the half-truths I am presented with (and present myself) online.

Yesterday, I took one of my monthly downward spirals into a trap of self comparison. It seems that any recent achievements I have had evaporate the moment I see someone else (especially around my age) doing well in a career path that is similar to, or the same as mine. And this, of course, isn't limited to my career. I sometimes do the extremely unhealthy (and unhelpful) thing of comparing my physicality with other women. It is extremely damaging mentally, whether I am aware of it or not, and is probably a habit that is to blame for my many insecurities.


What can we do to combat the feeling of failure?

Now, I don't think we should be throwing in the towel and scrapping our to-do lists in order to bask in the glory of goals so-far achieved. No. I think we should still strive to be better versions of ourselves, to understand the world better and to achieve the things we dream to. I also think it is important to acknowledge when we do check those achievements off, big or small. Just because so-and-so has landed a huge role in a new TV series, doesn't mean I am any less of a good actor and it also doesn't mean I can't still celebrate the fact that I managed to put up some Ikea furniture alone last week!
What I think would be helpful, is if we stopped comparing ourselves to others on social media. This would be a lot easier if everyone made a pact to present a more truthful version of themselves, but that is unlikely, so we have to just trust the fact that potentially 90% of what we see online is someone's "best foot forwards". Putting life into perspective is also a great positive step and finding happiness in the life's mundane gems - i.e. nothing related to your appearance or career. 


Can you relate to this feeling of failure? If so, how do you combat it?

Eb x

All images by Cairo Nevitt