Sunday, 6 August 2017

Surviving Dating in the 21st Century

A photo of Eboni wearing a white ruffle New Look blouse

Here I am, in bed, at 3pm on a Sunday. Desperately seeking some kind of escape from the world, combined with a strong hangover cure, with just a sprinkle of unintentional therapy....

Gilmore Girls

Ahh, that's better. 

As my left hand reaches towards an open bag of M&M's and I load up the 10th mouthful, I am lulled and soothed by the warm, sarcastic tones of Lorelei and Rory... What an attractive sight, I'm sure you'll agree. Then I realise, it's been a long time since a guy made me feel as good as chocolate + TV does! 


Maybe it's my awful habit of choosing the absolutely wrong guy! Or maybe I haven't tried online dating enough (or maybe I've tried it too much...) Perhaps I'm not "open" and "friendly" enough. Maybe I'm too friendly? Am I supposed to wait to be approached or do the approaching? 
Up, down, left, right, right, wrong. The world of dating today can be a minefield to navigate, and to be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing. But what I do know, is that I'm surviving

Close up image of New Look white ruffle blouse

Close up of New Look white ruffle blouse sleeve

The "Tinder" Age - We Date Like We Consume

I've tried it all. From online dating, to meeting IRL. From dating abroad, to dating people at work. Nothing's worked for me and I don't think I'm the only one. Recently I have been reading many interesting articles on dating in the 21st century and the discussion always seems to boil down to the excessive freedom and privilege we have been awarded when it comes to choosing our "mate". Gone are the days of organically meeting someone in a cute or humorous situation like something out of a Disney movie (fyi, I'm still waiting for my Troy Bolton) . These days, it's your thumb that guides you, through a Tinder world of glossy, posed and sometimes superficial lifestyles and selfies where you can select a match from thousands of local or non local people, down to their skin colour and income! And even if that doesn't work out, it's all good, because there are hundreds more who fit similar descriptions who you could move on to! 

Then there's the impact social media is having on our self image and self confidence. I believe that our online presence can almost be seen as another strand of our personality which gets stronger with every update and upload. It's inevitable that this "personality" comes into play when dating is involved, but who knows whether that's for the better or worse!?

I find it hard to maintain my self confidence when it comes to dating as I am the worst for comparing myself to other people (a trait I believe I acquired from my last relationship where I was made to feel very insecure- but thats another blog post for another time!)  
But despite my confidence, if I like someone, I find it hard to hide it and play the "hard to get" games like I'm apparently supposed to do! 
Maybe that's where I'm going wrong... 


It's not all doom and gloom!

I do think that with the 21st century comes a few positives that have impacted the dating world. There is much more possibility for reconnecting with lost friends. From your childhood sweetheart to that cute guy from the bar last night, social media means that most people are accessible with the click of a button. I'm sure a lot of old flames have been rekindled with the help of the net!
The world of online stalking has taken a huge step up lately! If there was ever a time to find out your crush's grandmother's dog's birthday, it's now! It's also très amusing going through people's old Facebook pics from 2008 - you know you're really into someone despite those bad boys! The 21st century means no more hidden skeletons in the closet. (Actually, I'll let you be the judge of that one being for the better or worse!)


Photo of pale pink embroidered Primark side bag

Close up image of Primark grey mules
Where I'm at now

At the mo, I am focusing on my career and travelling the world! I have, for the past two years, been stuck in a pattern of meeting a great guy, getting on really well, causing him to back away due to fear and not wanting anything serious. I'm feeling fed up and ready to take a break! As long as I am happy and successful, I am open to meeting someone who will bring something positive to my life.  I have learned many things about dating and relationships over the past five years, but my most important lesson was about finding someone who builds you up. I have no time for anything less than that! 


Image of Eboni wearing New Look white ruffle blouse and New Look blue mom jeans

Image of Eboni wearing New Look white ruffle blouse and New Look blue mom jeans

Eb x

Location: Somerset House, London
All images by Osman Marfo-Gyasi


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