Why am I Self-Sabotaging?

Why am I Self-Sabotaging?

Hey Guys,
I really enjoy practicing self-care. Like taking a day at home to have a long shower, followed by a spot of pampering. In fact, as I type this post, I am sat in front of the tv in a dressing gown, following a "stay-at-home" day. My face is smothered in a coffee scrub face mask and my hair is wrapped up in a hot oil treatment. I gave myself a much-needed pedicure last night and had my best friend over to watch a girly film and eat Japanese food. You'd think that I'd feel on cloud nine after such a wonderful 24 hours...
But I don't, and I'm not sure why.
Am I expecting too much?
Don't get me wrong, I have loved taking the time to look after myself, but it hasn't fixed the feeling of loneliness or the impending countdown to my 30th birthday, or the feeling that I haven't achieved enough in my career.
I know there is no "quick fix" when it comes to mental health journeys and mine is no different to most. I do, however, think that my expectation of my "happiness" and life satisfaction is often way beyond the realm of reasonable expectation. I have to accept that the pressure I put on myself to feel happy and bubbly all the time, is unattainable.
Sometimes, a face mask and cup of peppermint tea is just not going to solve all of my problems.
I know what's good for me, so why won't I do it?
I know how good meditation can be for mental health. I know I shouldn't be on my phone into the early hours. I know I should wake up early and go for runs. But I don't! And I couldn't give you one good reason why. I suppose I find it difficult to self discipline. Why would I wake up at 7am when I could lie-in until 10am? Why would I read a book when I could scroll through Instagram until 1am? This has been a struggle for me over the past few years. The battle between knowing what's best for me and what I actually do.
It's a form of self-sabotage.
How can I combat this behaviour?
I read a great article by Deep Patel this evening about this. I want to leave a quote here, and for anyone who may recognise this behaviour in themselves, know that you are not alone.
"Lack of belief in ourselves — the feeling that we are unworthy, or destined to fail — often goes hand in hand with self-sabotage, and this link can be hard to break.


  1. what a lovely and well-written post. Very human indeed!
    I completely relate to what you wrote as probably most human beings can. I think it is true especially for people like us who live in huge cities where we feel like we should be extra special and do extra amazing things to be noticed or just to justify that we belong in a place with all opportunities.
    To fight my self-sabotage, I just recognise the voice that's telling me to waste time geeking or binge-eating, I acknowledge it is talking to me, and then I just remind myself that studying Japanese or meditating or doing yoga will help me much more moving forward with my life than watching a serie will. And of course sometimes, I allow myself to do completely useless things such as watching a stupid movie whilst eating sweets without feeling guilty because it happens once in a while and I deserve a rest sometimes!
    I also found that realising that we actually have plenty of time each day and objectively look at how I spend it helps me not pushing back the stuff that is good for me because I realise I actually do have the time and that in those 20minutes or so I couldn't do anything better for myself.
    Keep strong and focused on your goal, and on your love relationship to yourself. Nothing else matters! xxx <3

    1. Alice, thank you so so much for this comment. It means so much to hear from someone who related to what I wrote! You sound like you have a great balance and are on a similar path to me with this! I agree that giving myself a break to do the "lazy self care" is just as important as pushing myself to do productive self care! This week, I took myself for a swim (which I never do!) Last week, I took myself to the cinema (first time alone) to watch Queen & Slim, and today, I'm going to take myself to Edinburgh castle for a walk around! I think this post has brought these thoughts into the more conscious part of my thoughts and I will keep trying to be better!

      Sending lots of love!

      Eb x

  2. Thanks for having the courage to share this. It isn't easy but by sharing your experience you help others feel less alone and give affirmation that it's not 'just me'. I think that for mixed race people, the daily denial by omission by the outside world takes its toll, and wears you down. But when we realise it's not 'my fault' then it feels like a weight has been lifted - until the same weight returns of course, and sometimes worse than before! But it's in our mind. The quote from Deep Patel is great. Thanks again! By the way, I'm sharing thoughts as well here https://mixedraceexperiences.wordpress.com/

    1. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment! I appreciate you sharing your own work too. Thanks again!


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